Promises
by Little Dark Dynamite
Summary: Lia admits to Emma that she had anorexia. Again, I suck at summaries, but please read! Rated T for eating disorders and self-harm.


**Promises A Wintergirls Fanfic **

**Author's Note/Disclaimer: I do not own Wintergirls. Laurie Halse Anderson does. Just wanted to let you know that this is set one year after Lia goes to New Seasons for the third time. Hope you like it.**

"Knit one, purl two. Knit one,- no, Emma, like this," I murmured. I took Emma's needles and showed her. Knit, knit, purl. Knit, knit, purl. I stopped and looked at her, hoping that she would understand. This is the third time I had to show her this.

_"Give her a break,"_ a voice in my head scolded._ "She's only 10. You're almost twice as old as her. You understand things better than she does."_

"Okay, so..." Emma began, grabbing her knitting needles from me. She mimicked me perfectly. "Like that?" she asked.

I smiled. "Perfect," I said.

Emma beamed, then laid her needles and her red cloth (she told me she was making a sweater) in her lap. She turned to the little table next to her and picked up a bag of Doritos.

"I'm glad you don't have to go to that place anymore," she said, opening the bag. "What's it called again?"

"New Seasons," I replied, wincing a little.

New Seasons was the place my parents took me to get better. The first two visits didn't work out too well. But during my last visit, I got better. I gained weight. I stopped exercising (Well, not completely, I just stopped exercising constantly), using laxatives, starving myself, and counting calories. Although, sometimes I still count out of habit. I used to hate that place so much, but not so much now that I'm better.

"So you're all better?" asked Emma excitedly, crunching on some Doritos.

"Yeah, I'm all better," I replied, grinning.

"No more cancer?" Emma continued.

My grin fell. Jennifer, my stepmom, had told Emma that I had cancer instead of anorexia.

"Emma..." I began. "I never had cancer."

Emma stopped crunching. She swallowed. "What do you mean?" she asked.

I looked at her face. She was confused.

"I had anorexia," I said after a couple seconds.

"Wait, what's anorexia?" asked Emma. She looked even more confused. I sighed. _"Jennifer, you idiot,_" I thought. _"Why couldn't you tell your own daughter the truth?"_

"Anorexia-," I began. "- is an eating disorder."

Emma stared at me, more confused than ever. I sighed again. _"Maybe _**_this_**_ is why kids aren't supposed to learn about eating disorders until middle school,"_ I thought sarcastically.

"It's when you don't eat," I explained. "If you don't eat, you lose a lot of weight and you'd be really skinny."

"You don't eat at all?" Emma asked, wide-eyed.

"No. Nothing at all," I replied. "You starve. Hopefully that makes more sense."

"Not really," Emma answered. "Why would you want to starve yourself?"

"To lose weight," I repeated. "I learned it from..." I paused for a few seconds. "... Cassie."

"Cassie?" Emma said. "Wasn't she your friend that...?"

"Yeah," I finished. "She's my friend that died last year."

Cassie was my best friend. She had bulimia. One day last year, she was at a hotel and she got really drunk. She then ate and was throwing it back up and then her esophagus ripped open and died. As a ghost, Cassie followed me around everywhere and talked to me. She wanted me to die so I can be with her. For a while, I wanted to die, too. I didn't think I had any other choices. But then I looked through her see-glass, a green disk that was born inside a volcano. It's supposed to tell you your future. When I looked through the see-glass, I saw hundreds of futures for me. I didn't want to die anymore. I went to New Seasons for help and eventually recovered.

"Are you okay, Lia?" Emma asked me with a worried look on her face.

I looked up. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that," I said. "I got a little distracted."

"That's okay," Emma said. "So why did Cassie die? Did she have anorexia like you?"

"Sort of. She had bulimia," I answered.

"I don't get it," Emma said. "What's bulimia? Is that another- what do you call it?"

"Eating disorder," I finished. "Yeah, bulimia's another eating disorder. Only instead of starving, you eat a lot and then throw it back up."

Emma looked disgusted. "You throw up _on purpose_?" she asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Yeah," I said with a grimace. At the time, I told Cassie that not eating would be less disgusting. But noooo, she want to puke all day long because that's how she learned it at summer camp.

"EWWW!" squealed Emma.

"I'm not going to go into details," I explained. "But let's just say that the day she died, she threw up too hard."

Emma stared at me in disbelief. "Can we not talk about throwing up anymore?" she asked. "Or else _I_ might throw up."

I laughed. I know I shouldn't have, but then Emma started laughing with me. "Sorry," I giggled. "I had to laugh when you said that." Emma grinned.

"Do you want to start knitting again?" I asked.

"No, I want to finish my Doritos," she answered. "Now that I don't feel like throwing up anymore," she added, giggling. I smiled. Emma held out a handful of Doritos to me (400. Whoops.) "Want some?" She offered.

_No way, do you know how many calories that is?_

"Sure, I'll have a few," I said. I took the handful and popped one chip in my mouth, chewing it slowly.

_Food is life. Food is life. Food is life_, I chanted in my head. I popped another chip into my mouth. _"Mmmm, cheesy,"_ I thought.

"Lia?"

"What?" I asked in mid-chew.

"I still don't understand a couple things," Emma said.

"Like what?"

"Well, what about that day I found you in the bathroom? When you were all cut up and bleeding? And the knife?" Emma winced.

I glanced at her. I knew Emma still had nightmares about it. I looked down at the floor, flashing back to that one day I almost killed myself...

**_I was in my room, my stereo was blasting Linkin Park. I had Nanna Marrigan's knife with me. I cut myself from my neck to below my heart. Then I cut myself between two ribs, then between another two ribs, then two more. I was cutting so deep enough that when I was __cutting, I felt something. Them my world turned black, and I couldn't hear anything except Emma's screams... _**

"Lia?"

I looked up from the ground. Emma was staring at me worriedly. "I'm fine," I said, smiling reassuringly. "Just..."

"Distracted?" Emma interrupted.

"Kind of," I replied. "I think I had a flashback."

"Oh," Emma said, nodding. "So why were you all cut up?"

"Well..." I started. I wasn't sure whether to tell her this or not. It might be too much on her. I didn't want to give her any more nightmares. But she seemed to understand the whole anorexia thing. So I guess it would be okay...

"I was a cutter," I finished.

"A cutter?" Emma asked. "What's that?"

"Cutters are people that hurt themselves by cutting their skin," I answered. I was definitely going to give her nightmares later.

"And they like it?" Emma asked incredulously. Her eyes were wide open again.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Dr. Parker- you know Dr. Parker, right?"

"Yeah, she's your doctor."

"Therapist," I corrected.

"Whatever," Emma shrugged. "Keep going."

"Dr. Parker says that people cut themselves because they're lonely or stressed. She thinks I cut myself because I was stressed about my parents divorcing and I was lonely because Cassie died."

"But aren't there other ways to not be stressed?" Emma inquired. "You know, ways that you don't hurt yourself?"

"Yeah, there are. But I didn't realize that. I was stupid."

We sat there in silence for a minute. I think Emma was trying to take it all in. It's a lot for a 10-year-old girl. The cutting, the anorexia, the whole deal with Cassie... But I think Emma's smarter than most girls her age. She might understand.

"Wow," Emma finally spoke. "You've been through a lot, Lia-Lia."

I smiled. Lia-Lia was what Cassie used to call me. Now Emma has decided to call me that. "Yeah."

"This was all last year?"

"A couple of years, actually. It was just really, really complicated."

"Complicated? What does that mean?"

"Confusing. Hard to understand."

"I see what you mean," Emma said, grinning a little. "But I think I understand."

"You do?"

"I think so. But why didn't Mom tell me that you had anorexia? She told me you had cancer."

I was tempted to say, "Because you mom's kind of an idiot," but that would hurt her feelings.

"Jennifer- oops- your mom was trying to protect you from me. I was..." What was the right word? Unstable? Bad? "Dangerous," I finished. "That's why she lied. That's why she kicked me out of the house."

"Lia," Emma started, walking up to me and sitting down on the arm of my chair.

"What?" I asked.

"Promise me something," Emma said.

"What?" I repeated.

"Promise me you won't cut yourself again."

I smiled again. "I promise."

"And that you won't starve and become super skinny again."

"I promise."

"Or throw up on purpose."

"I've never done that before, Emma."

"Promise me anyway."

I laughed. "Okay, I promise. You promise me one thing, too, Emma."

"What?"

"You will never become what I was."

"Deal," Emma smiled. She leaned over and hugged me. I hugged her back.

"Okay, you want to start knitting again?" I asked.

"Sure," Emma replied, breaking away from me. "And Lia?"

"Yeah?"

She walked back over to her chair, picked up her cloth and her needles, and walked back to me, holding up the cloth and needles.

"Can you show that knitting thing to me?"

"AGAIN?!"

**The End**

**Well, I hoped you liked that. Please review and thanks for reading! ~EdwardCullenFan713**


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